Dear Friends

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  • #62768
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Friends
    As we move closer to the end of another year I wanted to thank you for all the
    e-mails you have forwarded to me over the past year.

    I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat p*** in the
    glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope
    that needs sealing.

    Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same reason.

    I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl who is about
    to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But that will change once I
    receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates and Microsoft are sending me for
    participating in their special email programmes. Or from the senior bank clerk
    in Nigeria who wants to split seven million dollars with me for pretending to be
    a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

    And I need no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
    out for me.

    I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to seven
    friends and make a wish within five minutes.

    I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

    I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so a
    serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up.

    I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with a food
    sample and rob me.

    I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number and
    then I’ll get a
    phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

    I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is
    lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

    I can’t even pick up the five bucks I found dropped in the car park because it
    was probably put there by a crazed axe murderer waiting under my car to grab my
    leg.

    If you don’t send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 10 minutes,
    a large pelican with an acute case of diarrhoea will sit on your head and fleas
    from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a most unsightly hairy
    ####.

    I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour’s
    ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s plumber – and it was on Good
    Morning Australia.

    By the way…. did you know that a South American scientist has, after a lengthy
    study, discovered that people with low IQs who don’t have enough sex, always
    read their emails while holding the mouse.

    Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.

    Regards,

    Your friend

    #114013

    😀 😀 ;D

    #114014

    ;D

    #114015
    deebee
    Member

    requiring permission to copy and send to all the people who forward this sort of carp to me  ;D

    #114016
    *Lassie*
    Member

    By the way…. did you know that a South American scientist has, after a lengthy
    study, discovered that people with low IQs who don’t have enough sex, always
    read their emails while holding the mouse.

    Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.

    :embarrass: :embarrass: :embarrass: ;D

    #114017

    [quote author=*Lassie* link=topic=13271.msg255149#msg255149 date=1229452459]
    By the way…. did you know that a South American scientist has, after a lengthy
    study, discovered that people with low IQs who don’t have enough sex, always
    read their emails while holding the mouse.

    Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.

    :embarrass: :embarrass: :embarrass: ;D
    [/quote]

    the shame  😀  😀 glad i wasnt the only one!  😀

    #114018
    deebee
    Member

    [quote author=deebee link=topic=13271.msg255141#msg255141 date=1229450467]
    requiring permission to copy and send to all the people who forward this sort of carp to me  ;D
    [/quote]

    should read ‘that’ sort of …..,    i’ll get my coat.

    #114019
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Go ahead someone sent it to me I opened it cos I thought it was important  ::)

    [quote author=deebee link=topic=13271.msg255167#msg255167 date=1229462916]
    [quote author=deebee link=topic=13271.msg255141#msg255141 date=1229450467]
    requiring permission to copy and send to all the people who forward this sort of carp to me  ;D
    [/quote]

    should read ‘that’ sort of …..,    i’ll get my coat.
    [/quote]

    #114020
    deebee
    Member

    it is important! some people i know send me this stuff flagged! i reply going ‘yeah, whatever’.

    sent to the ones that need it lol.

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