The hardest decision I have ever had to make…

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  • #61559
    *jody*
    Member

    Not sure where to start really.  Its taken me a while to pluck up the courage to post about this.

    Amber came to us as a private rehome 9 months ago, we were her third home and she had not had the best of starts. We believe in her first home until she was a year old, she was kept mainly in a shed in the garden. In her second home her owners worked 12 hrs a day which Amber spent the garden alone and was not walked. She had little or no socialisation and for what we believe, not a great deal of human contact.

    As some of you may know who I have confided in, since Amber’s spaying from her Pyometra, we have been experiencing behavioural problems. Her behaviour began to put our family, mainly our two children in potential danger. We have tried so very hard with all of her problems, but when the children were threatened (who are only 2 and 4), we spoke to many behaviourists and vets and we starting the process of looking at rehoming her.

    I contacted rescues far and wide, trying to get advice and help, but couldn’t find any rescue willing to take her, or unable to accommodate her due to her dog aggression issues, by being honest with them she became un-homeable. Towards the end of this time (which was a long time of searching) she air-snapped at my youngest. The vets and behaviourists felt that with no possibility of rehoming, added with the fact it would be irresponsible to rehome a dog carrying such high risks, we were to seriously consider PTS.

    Sadly we made the decision on Saturday 24th February. It was definitely the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life and one that hurts beyond words, but we were on a downward spiral that was only going to get worse. Amber was not a happy dog, since her spay we let her have peace and quiet in the kitchen to recover, however her behaviour went downhill despite our best efforts to control it and we all became prisoners of each other. She was frustrated and unhappy, she could no longer be trusted within the family area around the children, and as a result spent most of her day away from the family unit. She became unpredictable and life was becoming miserable for everybody. Our other dog Dante also had to be segregated otherwise Amber would be jealous and began to growl and air-snap at my mother-in-law and myself (my mother-in-law looks after the children at the house 4 days a week while I work).

    I know there will be people that may think what we done was wrong or unnecessary, but they would not fully understand unless they were living in the situation we were living in. If anyone reading this does have a different opinion I ask you kindly please do not post as this is painful enough and harsh remarks are really not going to help anyone.

    Thank you to everyone (I’m not going to name names but you know who you are) for helping me through this really difficult time.

    Rest In Peace my fur baby, mummy loves you and always did I just wish we could of done more and I know it wasn’t your fault, I didn’t want to let you go but at least I know your happier now. Wear that silver harness with pride.

    Xxx

    Don’t grieve too long for now I’m free
    I’m following the path God set for me
    I ran to Him when I heard His call
    I wagged my tail and left it all.
    I could not stay another day
    To bark, to love, to romp or play
    Games left unplayed must stay that way
    I found such peace it made my day.
    My parting has left you with a void
    So fill it with your remembered joy
    A friendship shared, your laugh, a kiss
    Oh, yes, these things I too shall miss.
    Be not burdened with times of sorrow
    I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow
    My life’s been full, you’ve given so much
    Your time, your love and gentle touch.
    Perhaps my time seemed all to brief
    Don’t lengthen it now with undue grief
    Lift up your heart and share with me
    God wanted me now, He set me free.

    #89386

    So sorry Jodie, i heard about this but didnt want to say anything until you were ready to post!  Im sure you did your best for Amber, and she will know that!  :'( :'(

    (((HUGS))) to you!  :-*

    Run free Amber  :'( :'(

    #89387
    *Nat*
    Member

    Soo sorry Jodie, I knew you’d had problems but am sorry to hear this – must have been a tough decision but am sure it was the right one for you all  :'(

    (((hugs))) to you all  :-*

    Run free Amber  :'(  :-*

    #89388
    *jody*
    Member

    Thank you guys  :-* Im finding it a little easier to get my head around, had to pay my third instalment of her pyo bill this morning and it got me all set off again.  Feels very strange here, empty and quite.  Dante isnt too bad, OH stayed with her right to the end and gave her a huge cuddle and the vets said when he got home to let Dante sniff him properly, as they give off a scent when they passed, and Dante should pick up on it instead of wondering where she is.

    #89389
    kk_xing
    Member

    awwww jodie, (((((((((hugs)))))))))

    i know i certainly dont feel bad of you, you did everything you could for her and for you

    my heart goes out to you

    x :-*

    #89390
    kk_xing
    Member

    run free amber x

    #89391
    Izzie
    Member

    Run free at the bridge Amber

    Its a very difficult choice to make, as everyone else has said before, you did everything you could for her.

    (((Hugs))) to you all.

    #89392
    kizkiznobite
    Member

    it is never easy to make these sorts of decisions – our hearts tell us to keep trying whilst our heads tell us we not winning and that argument within ourselves starts to cloud issues – then there is the feelings of failure to cope with and then hope appears for a short time and then more failure then guilt and when children are invovled there is all that worry and emotion too

    i am so sorry it didnt work out for you all – i know what a hard decision it was and that you did all that you could but the weeks she had with you were most likely the best ones of her life – you know i think you made the correct decision and i think you know me well enough by now to know i dont come to that sort of conclusion lightly – the memories will get better – you will begin to remember her as she was on the good days

    hugs  :-*

    run free amber girl – now you can fly with the wind  :'(

    #89393
    Anonymous
    Guest

    run free amber  :-* :-*

    that was a very brave decison  :-*

    #89394
    .dodger.
    Member

    I’m so sorry Jodie :'( it’s not an easy decision but you’ve done what best for Amber and your family.

    Run Free Amber :-*

    I stood by your bed last night,
    I came to have a peep.
    I could see that you were crying,
    You found it hard to sleep

    I whined to you softly
    As you brushed away a tear,
    “It’s me, I haven’t left you,
    I’m well, I’m fine, I’m here.”

    I was close to you at breakfast,
    I watched you pour the tea,
    You were thinking of the many times,
    Your hands reached down to me.

    I was with you at the shops today,
    Your arms were getting sore.
    I longed to take your parcels,
    I wish I could do more.

    I was with you at my grave today,
    You tend it with such care.
    I want to re-assure you,
    That I’m not lying there.

    I walked with you towards the house,
    As you fumbled for your key.
    I gently put my paw on you,
    I smiled and said “It’s me”

    You looked so very tired,
    And sank into a chair,
    I tried so hard to let you know,
    That I was standing there.

    It’s possible for me,
    To be so near you every day.
    To say to you with certainty,
    “I never went away.”

    You sat there very quietly,
    Then smiled, I think you knew…
    In the stillness of that evening,
    I was very close to you.

    And when the time is right for you,
    To cross the brief divide,
    I’ll rush across to greet you,
    And we’ll stand,side by side.

    I have so many things to show you,
    There is so much for you to see.
    Be patient, live your journey out…
    Then come home to be with me.

    #89395
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Run free Amber :-*

    (((HUGS))) :-*

    #89396
    *Lassie*
    Member

    Run free Amber :-*
    Jodie you did more for her than most people would do – she is at peace now instead of being unhappy so don’t beat yourself up.

    #89397

    :'(  :'( so sorry – run free Amber  :'(

    #89398
    jeanyg
    Member

    Its a year today that we had to let Marley our rescue afghan go to the bridge :'(
    A decision that was very hard, but with the vets backing; one that was made :'(
    The frustration/guilt does fade and eventually the happy memories filter through.
    Thinking of you :-*

    #89399

    so sorry to hear this jodie  :'( (((hugs))) to you  :-*

    run free amber  :-*  :-*

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