Thank you everyone, and sorry its taken me so long to say about it.
Laura: That poem is beautiful, its got me all teary eyed again :'(
jeanyg: so sorry to hear about your loss too, to be told you did the right thing really helps in so many ways when your trying to fight the part of you that feels you failed them. The happier moment are beginning to outweigh the bad, whether thats my mind blocking them out to make it easier, I dont know.